my weekend

it's a relief that the midterm exams, after five days, are over. finally no more reviewing anxiety, and no more need to drag myself up to rereading notes, handouts and books. again, free to be carefree. at least for this moment.
little bit sad to say that i kind of had a hard time in the last one subject we took just earlier. and to think, it's a major subject - in fact, the only major one. but i gave it my best, so i'm pretty sure i did good though.

and then my cousin broke in like lightning and alarmingly called us out of the house to see something. soon i realized it's something in the sky.

i came out, and saw it was the moon. the mildly, gently lit, smiling yellow crescent moon hanging halfway from the horizon to the overhead sky. it's like it's smiling a Mona Lisa smile to me. very beautiful, it even brought a companion with it: a similarly lit little star twinkling close to it. very fantastic and rare site in a clear, peaceful black night sky.
too bad i don't have a camera clear enough to capture the spectacle, but i have a picture of it on my mind i could keep.

tonight, even though it's a Friday, is American Idol night. so before the show started at 6 pm, as often i put myself in a comfortable position and grabbed the remote control, and increased the volume when it started. it's no surprise at all that i enjoyed the show so well.

one thing i am seriously thinking about these days is my mom's plan of taking me to the Netherlands this coming summer to be with her and our family there for about two months, which is like the entire vacation. she lives there, and what i actually wanted in the first place was for her to come here, not me to go there. but she wasn't with me on that because if she would be the one to come, she would only have about three weeks to stay and be with me here, unlike if i would go there instead, i could stay with her for longer, i think like, five weeks longer. yet thinking of her, or our, previous attempts to take me there and of just the same number of times we failed as the times we've tried, i can't put myself confidently into a position of certainty on whether i'm going to the Netherlands this summer or not. ever since she started going back and forth from here to there almost a decade ago, she has been having really strong-willed plans to take me to the country where she's been working for years. but just the same, our tries always fall flat for some technical reasons. we had complications after complications.
which reminds me of one time, i think two years ago, when it was thought that i would be leaving for Europe. it was when i finally applied for a visa. i paid the fee, i went past the interview, it all went well. everything seemed sure and finally, successful. my school heard the news. they talked and joked to me about it. they all knew it all and they were happy for me, but sad for my education. while my family, but not much also me, were excitedly awaiting the happy news that i was issued a visa, those things were announced to our local church. things went emotional, since i was one of those close to the people there. on the Sunday worship service (the one we thought was my last for a bit long time) before my expected departure, they asked me to lead praise and worship. that wasn't very unusual, but was special. another is though. they asked me to give a special number on the part when the service was nearing its end. something like a farewell song. it felt sad around the place. one of my friends in the youth ministry cried, and even another one cried a lot, he went out of the hall and shed tears while i was singing in front. it was a bit awkward, but i was touched for that. we all thought i was about to leave, and they thought it's confirmed. only did everything fall totally awkward and embarrassing when i went to the embassy to take the result of my application and found out that i was... yes, denied of having a visa. it was disappointing, sad, somehow unfair and worst, shameful. i don't know, but it sounded to me like the concerned Dutch office didn't get a concrete proof that i would return to my country after the maximum time of my stay there. i can't really understand it, but i'm sure they're definitely hard and strict.
and i don't understand the reasons why that much, but it has been a passing through a needle's hole since our first attempt to take me to the Netherlands. it's like there are so many conflicts we couldn't surmount. so i couldn't blame myself for having these doubts in mind. things can't get so sure. they are never sure enough. what's good though is that i can take lessons from those past experiences and apply them to this very familiar time when again, i'll try to make it to that country.
and in spite of it all, i'm hoping.
failure shouldn't give us reasons to give up and stop believing. in fact it should give us nothing but lessons.

back to my weekend...
well there's nothing else so special to say. i just am going to enjoy all the break i can get and use the time in my hands to the fullest... hopefully.

weekend again.
free from exams again.
i'm smiling again.