I wish I can just write everything down here. I can, technically. It's just that I don't want anyone I know to come across this site and recognize the story and know. And I don't know why I'm thinking like that, least of all why I should care if they knew.
Anyway, I've been out of focus in my spiritual life lately. I haven't been praying that much, and I haven't been reading the Word that much either. And though I don't slow down in ministry, I haven't been that involved or devoted in my relationship with God for quite some time now, and it's dawning on me. It's coming to me, that this is not worth it. I mean, the distractions, being far from God, in my heart, it's cheating myself. In a way, it feels like I missed God.
It's going to take some time, I suppose, to get to a strong spiritual level. It's not just going to happen at will, in a snap. Of course not. I know I'm going to have to want it, and really want it over time. But before I get the wrong mindset, it is not about what I do to be strong in the faith again, it is about what God has done for me and His grace always there, enough for me. And it's not that God has been away that I have to chase Him, it's just that I haven't been responding to his call all this time.
My father, the biological one.
We've had contact in the past few months. It started when he sent me an email, out of the blue. I never would've thought that I'd have any form of communication with him. I never had, all my life. And I never thought it'd be as easy as emails, once we have communication. It's easy as texting, if you'd ask me.
He's not the best person to talk to. And since it seems I wouldn't have it any other way, it's absolutely fine with me. I don't foresee myself getting used to the way he thinks, but we understand each other anyway. We talk and I guess that's what matters.
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