relatively blank

i'm clueless about what's really happening and what's to happen and what i want to happen. there's this something that i just want to bottle up in this post but just can't seem to specify it out. whatever comes out of my heart, anyway, is most probably what's driving me to write this now.

first, i'm feeling unhappy with what i'm having in my school life right now. to me, each time i go to school is like doing a tedious, wearisome job. i can't wait to get back home whenever i'm there. of course the feeling is so typical with students like me. but what's different with me is that i'm seeking some sort of enjoyment and fulfilment that i can get from school, which, to my ability of perception, is something i'm not attaining so far. and in speaking, school's gone quite far. at the back of my mind, however, i'm wondering if the problem's with the school, or is it just me being too demanding as in seeking things..
well maybe not.

it has also come to my realization that we've currently been having frequent misunderstandings and disputes within our house.. or should i say, our home. often, the issue is about getting respect, especially from our youngest. yet other matters such as wide personality differences and giving to one another could also tend to rouse an argument. though i'm so willing to exert a lot of effort merely for establishing peace in our dwelling, there were times when i just find myself squabbling, and then ask myself afterwards...what's the sense?, like i feel so disappointed with myself to the extent that i deem myself childish on dealing with the matter at hand. well, speaking with consideration, it's normal with families to experience such things anyway. however, my point and concern is, i just want our home to be a place of peace, of rest and retreat out of the world. a place where at the end of the day, you'll feel and be free from all the stress the busy world has laid upon you. not just a place to live, but indeed a home.
yet before everybody gets mistaken, despite the recurrence of all these spoken things, we are still ONE family.. willing to give, understand, forgive, and forget after all the misunderstandings and disputes.

through it all...

unwanted, negative circumstances are just so inevitable. they're part of life. now what i'm searching for is the right way to get through every little hurdle.
i yearn for the needed courage, the needed strength, the needed faith.